Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
