Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize