He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When are your genitals available?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
