3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
