The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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