Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
