i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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