I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
