so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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