I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
