I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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