I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize