I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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