why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dick very happy bro
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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