Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
