how can u be prego again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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