They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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