Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
