You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
