I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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