you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
