Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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