I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
