i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
