so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize