i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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