the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
