it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
