Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
