I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
