Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
