Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
