Me too!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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