I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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