Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
