Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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