I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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