I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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