we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
