she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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