i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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