it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
