You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
