Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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