yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
