i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
