My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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