..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
