This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
