thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
