Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
