If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
