Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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