dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
