She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize