i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
