My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
