It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
