Fine. I'll sleep in my office
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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