i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
