Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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